Beating the disconnect
Ways to keep family relationships alive and why

When Helen Gould first rolled over, her parents Michael and Adonica Gould were proud, and her grandfather Richard Wyatt was there to cheer her on. And like most doting grandparents, he’s also there to experience the latest accomplishments of her older siblings, Ann and Thomas. The only difference? Richard Wyatt and his grandchildren live 850 miles apart. But thanks to the wonders of modern technology they have an active, daily exchange.

The Goulds and Adonica’s father have taken the plunge into technology. "Grandpa Rich" is actively involved in his grandchildren’s lives as they voice-chat for hours at a time putting puzzles together, telling stories, singing songs or just visiting. On special occasions, they even video/voice chat, so he can see things "live," such as when baby Helen first rolled over.

"Nothing creates more excitement in our house than saying Grandpa Rich is ‘on,’" says Adonica Gould.

Michael acknowledges that when he and his wife relocated their family to Ft. Collins, Colo., a couple of years ago, it was "a blow" to the grandparents. Having moved outside the realm of weekend car travel to Adonica’s family in rural west central Illinois and Michael’s parents in West Des Moines, Iowa, they soon explored options other than seeing them in person.

"I love the way technology has enabled us to be better connected," comments Michael.

The Goulds are part of a contingency who are determined not to let careers, logistics and all the trappings of modern life interfere with their relationships with their family.

According to a survey conducted by Harris Interactive and sponsored by Modern Woodmen of America, most Americans (90 percent) agree that spending time with extended family is important, but 75 percent admit that staying in touch with family members can be difficult these days. They cite a variety of factors from work or schedule conflicts to the high expense of traveling to lack of a host for the family gathering. Still, four in five respondents indicate a desire to attend family gatherings more often.

An attitude difference

Since the Sept. 11 attacks, many people in America have vowed to shift their priorities and put family first. Will these convictions last? According to Dr. William Doherty, a professor of family social science at the University of Minnesota and author of Putting Family First, only time will tell.

"Immediately after Sept. 11, we heard a lot of people say that they were going to make family the first priority in their life," says Dr. Doherty. "It’s too soon, now, to tell if that sentiment will have a long-term effect on our attitudes toward family. One thing is for sure, there are families out there who have been doing it successfully all along. These people have committed themselves to making family their No. 1 priority. And that is not easy to do today."

While juggling family relationships among the chaos of dual-career households, social obligations, kids’ active schedules and daunting geographic divides, many people just find it less stressful to let extended family relationships fall by the wayside.

"In today’s world, we see a closeness among just the nuclear family – parents and kids in the same household. Staying in touch with extended family – aunts, uncles, even grandparents – requires effort and a lot of planning," emphasizes Dr. Doherty. "Many people just don’t consider family relationships when they start scheduling their lives. So, even if they want the relationships, they get squeezed out because of all the other commitments they make for work, kids, and social and volunteer activities."

A contributing factor to why some people are better at staying in<