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Recipes of the heart
Follow these directions for a lasting marriage
In this day of cynicism about marriage, we hear a great deal about skyrocketing divorce rates. But many couples have been making it work for decades. How? Like your favorite recipes, good marriages come with ingredients and directions. Consider these recipes from Modern Woodmen members whose marriages have stood the test of time.
Carney and
Cooking time: 60 years; married
Servings: 10 – Carney and Judy, two children, three grandchildren and three great-grandchildren.
Main ingredients: Love, respect and commitment.
Directions:
Don’t do it, unless you mean it.
When they got married, they knew they’d be together for life. “Divorce was never an option,” says Carney. “Couples shouldn’t entertain the thought of marriage if they don’t feel like it’s for life.”
Love each other and your in-laws.
“The love we have for each other – that’s the most important thing,” says Judy. She also believes her close relationship with her in-laws has been important. “I love Carney’s family like they were my own, and he loves mine like they were his own.”
Be there through the tough times.
“When I’m down, he’s up. When he’s down, I’m up,” Judy says.
Don’t argue.
“We don’t do anything to hurt each other. We never have,” says Carney. “When one of us gets upset about something, the other doesn’t get upset. The other just decides we won’t talk about that subject now. We’ll talk about it later – once the other person is in better humor.”
Discuss your priorities.
Carney advises couples to think about the important things (religion, family, etc.) before they get married.
Respect each other.
Carney and Judy respect each other and have always been faithful to each other. They got married during the uncertain times of World War II. “It was hard to know whether you’re coming back from the war or not,” Carney remembers. “But I decided I was never going to be with another girl …”
“ … And I was going to be there waiting when he got back,” concludes Judy.
Spoil each other from time to time.
“Carney has always had me on a pedestal and given me whatever I wanted,” Judy says.
“She’s spoiled rotten,” Carney translates with a laugh. “I’d say the recipe for marriage is love, respect and commitment to each other.”
Moses and Dot,
Cooking time: Nearly 54 years; married
Servings: 20 – Moses and Dot, three children, 11 grandchildren and four great-grandchildren.
Main ingredients: Conversation, participation and determination.
Directions:
Talk through arguments.
Dot and Moses have been lucky. They haven’t faced any big problems in their marriage. “We had no
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