Who invited Aunt Judy?
Gathering with extended family for the holidays doesn’t have to be painful.

Aunt Edna is upset because Cousin Billy is bringing his new girlfriend, and she doesn’t think she should have to buy her a gift. Sue and Harry’s family can only come on the Saturday before the holiday, and Aunt Judy insists that everything be home cooked. Considering the obstacles and opinions, why will Americans mob the airports and highways this holiday season, as they do every year, to attend gatherings with their extended families?

“People need to feel that connectedness,” surmises Charlotte Shoup Olsen, an associate professor of family studies and extension specialist at Kansas State University in Manhattan, Kan. “When everyone is together you get that sense of being part of a bigger community – not in the sense that you live close by, but just in a sense of belonging. Holidays, especially, offer a good opportunity to build that family history together.”

According to a recent poll conducted by Harris Interactive^® and sponsored by Modern Woodmen of America, Rock Island, Ill., 90 percent of Americans attend a holiday event such as Thanksgiving or Christmas with extended family.

“Nearly all Americans in our survey (99 percent) feel it’s good for children to know their relatives and family history,” comments Sharon Snawerdt of Modern Woodmen. Modern Woodmen, a fraternal benefit society offering financial services, promotes strong family relationships through its many member programs as well as its Web site, www.gatherings.info.

Snawerdt adds, “Ninety percent of survey respondents indicated that spending time with extended family is one of the most important parts of their lives.”

Getting it all together

Gathering an extended family requires organization, consensus and communication. But, that doesn’t mean it has to be difficult.

“The key to planning extended family get-togethers in this day and age is to think outside the box,” explains Olsen. “The traditional time, place and way of doing it in your family will probably have to change at some point with marriages, divorces and deaths. The important thing is to talk about it. Have the courage to throw out an idea and then touch base with each other through phone or email. A successful family gathering will reach a consensus that respects everyone’s opinions and situations.”

Most important is to respect the varying priorities and commitments facing the individual families. Young families are trying to establish their own immediate family traditions for the holidays. Many people have to travel long distances. Most of us have busy work and activity schedules. Throw in having to juggle holiday time between different sides of the family, often located in different cities, and simply setting a time when most family members can make it becomes a real challenge. 

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