From Grandma’s house to yours: Establishing your own traditions with your new family

Perhaps one of the hardest transitions for couples and new parents is making that break from being the kids to having their own family with their own unique traditions. New families are often caught between the desire to honor established family traditions with the grandparents and other extended family, yet create new ones for their own immediate family.

"It can be very stressful when the older generation wants to keep every tradition the same," says Dr. Susan A. Lieberman, of Rice University in Houston, Texas, and author of Family Traditions: Redefining Celebrations For Today’s Family. "Unfortunately, as families grow, some of these traditions are not convenient.

According to Lieberman, it’s important that families with young children sit down with their parents and negotiate. Invite them to help you solve the dilemma. Most people realize that the spirit of the holiday isn’t captured in one 24-hour period.

"You need to share your need," stresses Leiberman. "Present it in a nonthreatening way to grandparents and other family members. Most families are willing to revise old traditions to include everyone as the family goes through different ages and stages."

"We’re still trying to get our own traditions started," admits Michelle Mattsfield of Crete, Neb. Mattsfield and her husband, Wade, a minister, are parents of a two-year-old daughter and infant son. "It hasn’t been easy for us. We’ve moved around a lot the last few years – really since our daughter was born – because my husband was in school and completing his vicarage. Now that we’re settled, and we know what to expect, I think we will start to add more of our own traditions."

New families are perfectly poised to start traditions that are all their own – traditions that are so simple, yet memorable. Some ideas:

• Celebrate some of the noncommercial holidays. Plant trees for Arbor Day or raise a flag on Flag Day. Another good day for older children is Memorial Day, when the older and younger generations can go together to visit the graves of loved ones and share family stories and history.

• Celebrate the seasons. The winter and summer solstices with the shortest and longest day of the year make great celebrations. You can go out for ice cream to celebrate the start of summer vacation, cut out paper snowflakes and hang them around the house for the first snow day or welcome spring by delivering May baskets on May Day.

• Have a designated junk food night each month. Eat your dinner on the bed or the floor and eat popcorn, pizza and nachos.

• Designate a special breakfast day on the weekend. Make waffles or quiche or something that you don’t have time for during the week.

• Encourage a tradition of philanthropy by sponsoring a needy family or having your children pick out gifts for the Toys for Tots^® campaign or area Angel Trees. Children can also make a yearly ritual