Matriarchal mastermind
When it comes to keeping family connected, women take the lead

She’s the granddame of the family – the family matriarch. Tradition paints her as the dignified, commanding and senior female head of the family. She’s the grandmother whose house we will travel to this holiday season for roast turkey and pumpkin pie. The great aunt who knows all the cousins once and twice removed and sends a Christmas card to every shirttail relative in the family.  She’s also the young mom with a camera in hand and a toddler slung on her hip or the baby boomer sister with a flair for fun and a high-speed modem. When it comes to crowning the family matriarch, only one quality is clearly necessary – an undeniable desire to preserve family relationships and keep the family connected.

Why women?

It would be an injustice to men to say that they have no interest in gathering and communicating with their extended family. Many men revel in talking with loved ones and planning the next big bash. Nevertheless, there seems to be something to those stereotypically female multi-tasking, emotional qualities that prompt more women than men to be the family relationship caretakers and organizers. On average, studies have shown that women communicate more often with family. Women are also more likely than men to initiate gatherings, especially during the holidays.

“Generally, it is true that women are more interested in organizing family communications, reunions and gatherings,” says Laurence Basirico, PhD, professor of sociology and interim dean of International Programs for Elon College in North Carolina. “Despite the growing rate of two-income households, women still feel the emotional responsibility of handling the family stuff. And most women enjoy it and are good at it.”

According to a poll conducted by Harris Interactive for Modern Woodmen of America, a fraternal benefit society offering financial services, the majority of men and women attend holiday events (93 percent); however, women are more inclined than men to gather with extended family at other times during the year. 

“While men and women both agree that relationships with extended family members are important, the survey shows that women have an edge over men when it comes to attending family functions and pursuing communication opportunities,” says Sharon Snawerdt of Modern Woodmen, which promotes strong family relationships through member programs as well as its Web site, www.gatherings.info. “For instance, 55 percent of women in our survey attended family gatherings seven to 11 times a year, compared to 40 percent of men.”

This difference in the sexes is not something new, according to Basirico.

“In contemporary society, we are socialized into thinking that women should fulfill the role of keeper and organizer of the family relationships,” says Basirico, author of The Family Reunion Survival Guide. How to Avoid Problems with Your Family without Avoiding Your Family, and the most recent planner of his own family reunion. “For many women, the connection between them and their children is different than the connection between the father and the children. This comes from, literally, having given birth to them. Even women who don’t feel this connection may feel the pressure to take on this role, even if they are not the best at it.”

Women who take the lead and love it